Sacred Romance 2: Straight from the Heart of God

Sacred Romance 2: Straight from the Heart of God
Song of Songs 2:8-5:1
vacMidway – 4/30/2006 – Bumble

{Intro}
Human beings were created with passionate desires. What should we do with those desires? Generally humankind has three views of the subject:

The first view is from a “monastery” {show slide}: We should try to GET RID of our desires. This is why monks preferred exclusive places so that their efforts won’t be disturbed by other factors. This is called asceticism.

The second view is from a “mansion” {show slide}, “playboy mansion” to be exact. This view says that we should INDULGE our desires. Just max out our desires with whatever it pleased. This is called hedonism.

The first view thinks that sex is sin, and according to the second, Hugh Hefner might say that sex is salvation. But God say that sex is neither of these views.

The Christian view about desires – any kind of desires - is from a “mission” {show slide}. This view says that we need to PRIORITIZE our desires. Sexual desire has its place, but not the most important place. Why? Because there are other desires which could be more important depends on its scale of lasting impact. The most important desire for human being is the desire of the soul. We were created with eternity in our hearts and that’s why we continually searching for something which can fulfill that eternal God-shaped hole in our hearts. This is why Jesus taught, “seek first the Kingdom of God, and everything else will be given to you”.

And so as we continue in the second part of the study in Song of Songs “Sacred Romance”, we will hear straight from the heart of God about how are we going to response to the God’s given sexual desires we all have.

{Let’s pray}

{THE EXCLUSIVE COURTSHIP}

8 Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. 9 My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. 10 My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. 12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”

* Courtship need times: Notice that by this visit, winter had passed and spring had come (compared to the last time they were at the picnic). Don’t rush in to marriage too quickly. The other night I caught a segment on E’s “True Hollywood Story” about this celebrity couple who got married after two weeks of meeting each others. Without enough time, love at first sight will be disaster in the first month!

* It is also interesting to have the woman recounted what the man said. Whatever he said, she remembered the beautiful details of nature in spring: “the winter days had passed, rainy days were over, flowers are blooming, there are sound of singers and birds; there are senses of flowers in the air, etc.” It’s the nature of women to be moved by romantic thoughts. (One girl in our Marriage Builders small group recalled “Of all the years we dated, one time he gave me some flowers, and until now I still remember it!” What this is telling us is that women craved for romance. Some want more and some want less. Some like my wife, pretending like she doesn’t need any. But generally they are wired that way.)

* Courtship is the normal progression from public setting (“king’s table”, “banquet”, “picnic”) to a more private setting (“come with me”): It’s normal for one to have the desire to be alone with one’s lover. This desire seems to be easily experienced during courtship, but unfortunately it often fades in marriage.[i]

* So, allow your relationship enough times for courtship, because there are two main things you need to focus on during that time to get ready to marry this person.


{THE DUAL PURPOSES FOR COURTSHIP}

14 My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

* Purpose 1 is you need to know the inner-person behind the initial outward impression. Trust must be built on truth. It was characteristic of doves to hide in the clefts of the hills so that no-one could see or hear them. His request is that there be an absolute exposure of her whole person and character to him.[ii]

Remember we studied last week that normally there’s a period when we were head-over-heal, blindly in love? Now is the time to get to know your love more.

What do you need to know? the usual stuff: where they come from, where they are and where are they going? Some French author has a proverb: “Love is not just looking at each other but looking at the same direction”. Look at this triangular model, as these two points move closer to the center, they will also move closer to one another.

How do you know each other more? By communicate. It may be that most of us would be wise to not just talk about superficial stuff. Discuss topics which will reveal the person more. But be genuine and honest. This is not an interview. And don’t lie because eventually the truth will come out any way.[iii] (You will have the chance to discuss this even more in the break-out small group discussion followed this sermon. Dr. Hai will be your facilitator today, and because of our topic, the college age people will meet together with the older or married one. We cleared the tables in Agape room to make rooms for everyone.)

But knowing more each other is not enough. The man continues on:

15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

* Purpose 2 is you need to deal with issues which could ruin the relationship. In agriculture little animals often came in and chew on the vines for food and ruin the crops. The foxes represent as many obstacles or temptations as have plagued lovers throughout the centuries. Perhaps it is the fox of uncontrolled desire which drives a wedge of guilt between a couple. Perhaps it is the fox of mistrust and jealousy which breaks the bond of love. Or it may be the fox of selfishness and pride which refuses to let one acknowledge his fault to another. Or it may be an unforgiving spirit which will not accept the apology of the other.[iv]

But given the term “vineyard” was used early on (1:6) and elsewhere in the Song to refer to the body of the woman, I believe that one of “little foxes” are sexual temptations the couple face. Here we see they communicate with each others about their willingness to deal with these kinds of potential destructive problems.

The foxes (of sexual temptations) are cute. They are so cute that we often question “Can I have them? Why not? Why is it that we have to be sexually pure?”

Because sex was designed by God as the mechanism to bond to two persons into oneness. It’s not just a matter of the union of two bodies, but sex was the ultimate union of the emotions, the minds, the souls into oneness. Unfortunately when you see the portrayal of sexual scenes in the movies, they don’t (and can’t) portray the mind, emotion, and soul of the people involved. (But sometimes even the secular Hollywood culture understands that sex is much more than the animalistic instinct to mate. In Vanilla Sky, when Tom Cruise was cavalier betray his old lover, she confronted him, "When you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not.” What promise? The promise of the sacred union, that the two-become-one-flesh!)

There was a great video from InterVarsity back when I was in college titled “Out in the open: plain talk about sex”. I wish I could show it to you but it was made in 1990 so I couldn’t locate it now. What different about this video is it portrayed an angle that people often not talk about. A college couple was in love, both of them were Christians, but they stepped over the line and have sex with one another. It was consensual between them, but the video was able to capture what happened in their minds, in their emotions, and the guilt in the souls. I don’t think their experiences are in isolation. There are many Christians today, even in this community, can testify for it. If only they could overcome the guilt and shame, they would tell you that sex is sacred, that you could only enjoy it when there is proper commitment and union and trust in the permanence of marriage. They could tell you that outside of marriage, outside of marriage, sex is sin. The Bible has two terms for sex outside of marriage. After you are married, it’s called: adultery. Before you are married, it’s called fornication [v].

Without the proper prerequisite, sex burns and consumes. When you were small your parents taught you not to play with fire in the living room. What if you won’t listen and keep trying to prove them wrong? The whole place will burn down. But with proper prerequisite, fire can be used properly to bring warmth to the living room. It’s called the fireplace in your house.[vi]


But the foxes (of sexual temptations) are also small. They are so small that we often think “Sure, if sex is sin, I just won’t have sex then. But the other “small stuff” wouldn’t hurt, how far can I go and it’s still OK?”

Asking that question is like asking “how far can I get to the edge of the cliff and it’s still OK?” Apparently a lot of us still don’t understand that the greatest sexual organs are not between your legs but it’s between your ears: It’s your mind. (If our mind messed up, we can no longer enjoy sex). Sex is not only the act itself, but the whole attitude leading to it. If not, Jesus wouldn’t need to define “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Mt 5:27-28)

So, as Joshua Harris newest book title said, “Sex is not a problem: Lust is”. In an earlier book titled “I Kiss Dating Goodbye” he discussed about the problem of our dating culture today. It’s un-cool to have no date. And also, when young people went on a date, they would follow the “normal stuff” they saw on “Blind Date”, “elimiDATE”, and “The 5th Wheel” reality TV shows and engage in physical attraction to early and too fast.

Those of you who went to Winter Conference last year familiar with this graph of physical progression toward one-flesh union {show graph}. The point is physical engagement are designed to increasingly lead to sexual union. You give parts of yourselves gradually away until the point of giving yourselves totally to the other person, your will, your mind, your emotion, your soul and your body.
And so Joshua Harris thinks that when you involve with someone you give a part of yourself to that person; and the more people you involved with, the more fragmented you become. After all, if “Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day you give it away” then how many hearts do you have to keep enduring in this painful madness?


And the foxes (of sexual temptation) are smart and clever too. They whined, “If you really love me you why don’t you prove it?” Well, the same exact line was used by Delilah and we have the fallen Samson to learn from.

Or how about this modern reasoning, “Marriage is just a piece of paper, as long as we love each other and plan to have a wedding someday, it’s OK for us to be together?” Imagine if you are interview for an engineering job, can you say “O, the bachelor degree is just a piece of paper; I am really good at this and I will graduate someday”? If a piece of paper can provide solid proof of commitment in study for our career (which might change a few times in our lifetime); are we treating our commitment of love to our soul mate with contempt like that? No wonder we could handle our school and career better than our relationship!


But the foxes (of sexual temptations) are destructive indeed if you let them have their way:

You have to understand that sex is a very strong thirst designed for an extremely strong fulfillment by the ultimate and permanence union with your soul mate. What will happen if we attempt to fulfill that thirst without a permanence fulfillment (provided by God in marriage)? Like fulfill your thirst with sea water. You stomach is full for a short while then you go back empty, thirst for more, each time the thirst is harder to quench. Eventually, your thirst fulfilling mechanism will burst. Many people regret that they didn’t mastered their sexual temptation and let it mastered them. As a result, now even as they got married and matured, they are still suffered many problems from it. A more concrete illustration is Hugh Hefner. As described by in the June 2001 issue of Philadelphia magazine essay "The Prodigy and the Playmate" by Ben Wallace: Hugh overdosed on sex and now the great playboy icon can no longer enjoy women, he turned gay instead[vii].

Sorry I digress – but it was the burden God placed on my heart.

So, during courtship we must do two things: 1) Get to know each other authentically to build relationship, and 2) Protect the relationship by dealing with any issues that will potentially destroy it. Then besides those two purposes, there are also two commitments in relationship as well.

{DUAL COMMITMENTS IN RELATIONSHIP}

* The 1st commitment is to each other. Notice that even though they recognize that there are potential problems in the relationship – the foxes - fox of sexual temptation, of mistrust and jealousy, of selfishness and pride, etc. But despite those potential problems, what’s their attitude, “we will also see other people and see who else better comes along?” Let’s hear it from the girl:

16 My lover is mine and I am his;

The commitment is to each others! Despite there are still potential foxes in the relationship. In the verse follow:

He browses among the lilies.

In the original language, “browse” there is the same word for “shepherding/grazing-the-flock” and so the girl rested and trusted in his shepherd-like quality, despite the struggles they still share.[viii]

Commitment to each other is an obvious one in the relationship. But the next one is not as obvious. We read:

17 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn , my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.

What’s going on here? What time is the “day breaks and the shadows flee”? Day time. When was the last time we see him “like a gazelle or like a young stag”? Earlier when he came to visit and invited her out. And what she asked him to do? “turn”. Apparently it was getting late and she was asking him to leave[ix].

* The 2nd commitment is the commitment to God in obedience. Does she love him? Yes! But she also committed to do the right thing.

This commitment puzzled a lot of people. “Why is it not enough to just commit to one another? Why do Christians always have to drag God into everything, even relationship?” It is because we live in a fallen world, and even our strongest love will not be enough to sustain us through life.

In the marriage vow, we say “to have and to hold… to love each other as long as both shall live”. But look at the fine print. Can your love strong enough in both “for richer, for poorer”? Perhaps. Can your love strong enough to weather the changes of your spouse in both “for better, for worse”? Hhm, I am not so sure. Can your love strong enough to endure both “in sickness, and in health”? An authoritative study indicated that when terminal illness strikes a mate, seven out of ten American spouses split.[x] No wonder some people wanted to change their wedding vow to “to live with each other as long as we both shall love”.

J. Robertson McQuilkin recounted how God had helped him continue to love his
wife in her last days of Alzheimer: “In the days when Muriel could still stand
and walk and we had not resorted to diapers, sometimes there were “accidents.” I
was on my knees beside her, trying to clean up the mess as she stood, confused,
by the toilet. It would have been easier if she weren’t so insistent on helping.
I got more and more frustrated. Suddenly, to make her stand still, I slapped her
calf, as if that would do any good. It wasn’t a hard slap, but she was startled.
I was too. Never in over forty years of marriage had I ever so much as touched
her in anger or in rebuke of any kind. Never. I had never even been tempted, in
fact. But now, when she needed me most… Sobbing, I pled with her to forgive
me—no matter that she didn’t understand words any better than she could speak
them. So I turned to the Lord to tell him how sorry I was. It took me days to
get over it.” [xi]

Commitment to God will sustain your life and your marriage. Studies shown that “80% of the relationships in which couples were living together without marriage vows end in separation. Sixty percent of those who are married by a justice of the peace are divorced later. Forty percent of those who are married in churches eventually divorce. And those who read their Bibles together daily [not just professing church goers, mind you] divorce only at the rate of 1 out of 1,050![xii] At the heart of marriage is a spiritual bond, sex is should flow out and enhance that bond. And until that spiritual foundation is in place, you can not reliably build on it.

{FEARFUL DREAM OF LOST}

But doing the right things to obey God in relationship is not a simple matter. After her lover left for the night, this was what she experienced:

1 All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. 2 I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him. 3 The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. “Have you seen the one my heart loves?”

A nightmare! The phrase “All night long on my bed” gave it away. You cannot “look for” anyone on your bed but except in a dream. She was dreaming about losing him after sticking to the proper boundary before God!

Fear of losing love is the number one reason why girls giving up their purity. Unfortunately doing so never helped them keep the man their love. Worse, it made the whole relationship oriented on a bad foundation.

In her dream, she found her lover again. And she was very happy to bring him back to the safest place she knows: her house[xiii]

4 Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me.

One thing to note here is that the girl had no problem with having her lover over her parents’ house. Apparently they won the acceptance of her parents. Contrary to popular belief, proper romance can bloom in a good environment, even a “protective” environment. An has a friend in Vancouver BC named Tracy. She got on our website forum a few years back and I had followed her Xanga ever since. I met her last year and she was as charming in real life as in her blog. From what I know of her, I was most impressed with the romance she had with her husband. And last week she blogged about how the romance got started:

Actually I must boast that I love my love story !!! LOL ! before we got
married, we dated for 9 years and during this 9 years because we both live at
home and our moms are homemaker, we never really have any "private" moment
! and I’m a bit of a ‘traditional’ girl so we don’t hang out in each
other’s room without the present of a friend or my brother. So sometime,
just sitting next to Collin in the living room and have him held my hand when no
one is looking was over the top !!! I swoon every time !!! LOL ! If I
have to give advice on a great relationship I will say, get to know them as
friend and love them as a person first, and take it slow ! save the best for
marriage Love to me is like a fruit, it takes time, sunlight, water,
and lots of care before it ripen into sweetness. Long before Collin and I
dated (I was 14 and he was 16), we were friends when I was 8 and he was
10. So long before we were in love, we were the very best of friend and as
the chemistry ignited here and there, we fell in love before even knowing it
!!! And as I stare at him now watching Smallville, trying hard not to fall
asleep, I must say I love this best friend/soul mate of mine with all of my
heart. Thank you God for this beautiful present.[xiv][Boldfaced was mine]

So, get to know the inner-person of your lovers first, protect your relationship from destructive problems, commit yourselves to one another, and commit yourselves under God! Take the proper times needed to grow your relationship:

5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

{THE PUBLIC WEDDING CEREMONY}

Like a sweet flower under proper care, one day love will become a precious fruit, ripen rewarding. Here we see the description of the wedding procession:

6 Who is this coming up from the desert like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant? 7 Look! It is Solomon’s carriage, escorted by sixty warriors, the noblest of Israel, 8 all of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. 9 King Solomon made for himself the carriage; he made it of wood from Lebanon. 10 Its posts he made of silver, its base of gold. Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior lovingly inlaid by the daughters of Jerusalem. 11 Come out, you daughters of Zion, and look at King Solomon wearing the crown, the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced.

* The process of the Israelites’ wedding back then very similar to our Vietnamese culture: the groom and his entourage came and escorted the bride and her side to the wedding site for the ceremony, then to their new place. They also have a wedding feast for everyone too.[xv]

{I am running out of time so I will go through these points quickly}.

* Notice the materials in the wedding: it should be the best that the groom could afford; it expressed the self-sacrifice nature the groom should have toward his bride[xvi]. Don’t incur any debt, but don’t be so cheap on this. I fought with Jenney about this for our wedding and I realized that it made sense to show how much we value our soul mate for the occasion {I will elaborate if I have time}.

* Notice the public nature and the other people’s involvement in the wedding party: The best men in shining armors of protection, the daughters of Jerusalem in helping decorate the carriage, Solomon’s mother made him a wedding crown in blessing – all were showing support for the couple in their marriage. Wedding had always been supported by the community around them.

{IN PRIVATE CHAMBER}

And now the author takes us right into their private chamber to witness their love making consummation. Are you blushing at what we are about to read? My mentor taught me on this and expressed it so well:

Let’s be clear that sexuality is meant to be a private thing, not a secret
thing. Secrecy is about having something to hide. Secrets have power over us,
when something is private, we have power over it. Ask yourself right now, is my
sexuality and what I am doing with my body, how I feel about myself, what I look
at, who I talk to, how I act: Is it secret or private?
When something is
private we can allow others in when we need to or want to, when it is
appropriate.
Privacy is about protecting what is personal and tender. If you
walked into my office and heard me on the phone talking to my wife about our
making love last night, you would have heard a private moment. Believe me, I
would feel slightly embarrassed, but I wouldn’t be ashamed. Because our
enjoyment of each other is private, not secret.
This is why married couples
put locks on our bedroom doors. Not because there is something to hide, but
because the privacy allows for safety and intimacy. This is also why wise
families put filters on their computers, so pornography can’t enter the home.
Pornography is not wrong because it shows bodies and sexuality. It is wrong
because the bodies and sexuality depict something private made explicitly public
for no reason than to make it so.
For so many of us, this most tender area
of life is filled with secrets, fear, guilt and shame. And at the same time, we
live in a world that tries to tell us that sexuality should be a public thing,
that there is no need for either privacy or protection.[xvii]

{HE ADORES}

Here the groom let us in to the most private and sacred moment. He started by expressing his adoration to her beauty:

1 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead.
2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate.
4 Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.
5 Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies.

To our modern 21st century readers, this is a strange way to describe a woman. But no doubt everyone would understand that he was praising her beauty. He also expressed his excitement toward her:

6 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense.
7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

Two features of 4:1-7 call for comment. First, these verses include one reference to the first person (“I” in v. 6). His total attention was focused on his bride and her beauty. The conclusion to be drawn from this is that sex, when enjoyed properly within marriage, draws attention from oneself to one’s mate, to his or her needs and pleasures. Second, the metaphors and imagery which Solomon used in praising his beloved were drawn from a pastoral setting: doves, goats, sheep, pomegranates, fawns, gazelles, mountains, hills. Solomon’s bride, having been raised in the country, understood and appreciated these images.[xviii] So, we need communicate love to our spouses in a way they could understand! {This is a good segue into the 5 languages of love and the great funny honeymoon story from John Oterberg, but I will skip it for now because most of the audience don’t need it yet.}

But then the next few verses were fairly puzzling:

8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon. Descend from the crest of Amana, from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon, from the lions’ dens and the mountain haunts of the leopards.

What’s going on here? “Lebanon, Amana, Senir, and Hermon” were all geographical places in northern Israel near the Shulamite’s home town. Another clue was “the lions’ dens and the mountain haunts of the leopards”, scary beasts. Apparently the bride was a bit nervous and distance. And so the groom stopped. We live in a fallen world and sometimes there are many obstacles leading to sexual intimacy, even in the proper place of marriage. Often victims of abuses, broken pasts will have to take more times to adjust. But for normal people, there is also a lot of anxiety about the unknown which made them hesitated as well. The groom took her feeling into consideration and assured her that for her inner-love, not just her outer-beauty:

9 You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. 10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! 11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon.

He called her “my sister, my bride”, a familial term like “em” in Vietnamese denotes they became family. Then he also praised her for her sexual purity, reminded her that they’ve work hard to prepare for this moment:

12 You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. 13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, 14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. 15 You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.

Using the most exotic and valuable botany known to Israel at the time, Solomon was saying that his bride was a rich treasure beyond measure.

{SHE INVITES}
In intimacy: he adores her.
What about her: she invites him.
This is the voice of the bride:

16 Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

Nothing satisfies a man more than his wife was responsive to him in love making. He exclaimed:

1 I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.

{GOD BLESS THE UNION}

At that climatic moment, there was a strange voice emerged in the song.

Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers.

What? Who voice was that? Since the voice was obviously from a third party, your NIV bible margin noted that it might be from their “friends”. But given the setting of their bedroom, during the consummation of their marriage, most Bible commentators and preachers concluded that this voice was the blessing from God Himself, the creator of love and the designer of sex.


{Conclusion}

As we come to the end of this session, the nagging question remained to me was “Could God bless me in my sex life? Would He be pleased with my sexuality like he did with this couple?”

As I come to understand the Word of God for me and for you today, seeing His desire and standard, listening straight from His heart; I found His heart was broken. God’s heart is broken because we are so very broken as sexual beings.

I am aware of all of the brokenness in our congregation in this area. We have people who were sexually abused; we have people who were marred by results of adultery; we have people who are in bondage of lustful pornography; we have people who stepped over the proper boundaries in courtship.

And I am among you too. It’s not an accident that I don’t illustrate these sermons from my own life example. I wish I could have, but I fall short just like you.

So what do we do now? How are we going to bring the brokenness of our flesh to Jesus, the God who came among us in the flesh?

First, we need to know that God’s heart is also broken because of our sin. He loves us and don’t want to see us continue to be in pain. Jesus came, and stood by the adulterous woman. He didn’t condemn.

Second, we need to come to him repenting. God called us to come to Him with our sins now: “Come now, let us reason together,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” (Is 1:18) His promise was not only just forgiveness, but full restoration!

Third, we need to rely on His strength to move on. Jesus said to the adulteress “Go and sin no more!” God loves you they way you are, and He loves you too much to leave you that way. By God’s grace and strength, it is possible for you to experience passionate love with all its splendor and glory the way He intended us.

This is the Word of God, for me and for you today.

Sacred Romance 1: Passionate Love Awaken

{Intro: World's Song and God's Song}

My favorite old movie is Casablanca. A classic film with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, where Bogie owns Rick's Café American bar in Casablanca, Morroco. It takes place during World War 2 in Casablanca, which was then a French territory that was under German occupation. One of my favorite scenes when a group of Nazi soldiers gathered at Rick's start singing German songs loudly and without consideration.
It is a rude gesture. Here they are in occupied territory, a conquering army and they are spitting in the face of the French citizens. The down cast French people sit glumly. Then Victor Lazlo, a brave resistance fighter, stands, walks over to the band and says, "Play La Marseilles" the French National anthem. The band members are tentative, they fear the German officers.
But Bogie nods his approval and Lazlo begins to sing at the top of his lungs. The band comes to their feet, playing their instruments with gusto. The music soars, and the crowd come to life. They do not protest the Nazis. They do not shout them down in anger. They just simply so loudly this song of their hearts, that they drown out the German soldiers who then close the bar in disgust. With that one strong positive voice, they drowned out the destructive voices...[i]

In a way, what Victor Lazlo did in the midst of the destructive voice in that nightclub in Casablanca is what I believe we are doing through this series "Sacred Romance" for our church.

The world had already singing its song, proclaiming a view of sexuality and passion that is also so destructive.
- We listened to it; and you see many of your secular friends cast all moral precaution aside, calling it old-fashioned, to pursue casual sex.
- We listened to it; and at least two men (in the Marriage Builders small group) shared with me that 90% of their friends are divorced.
- We listened to it; and quite a few young unmarried among you feared that your future marriages would either end in divorce, or in estranged with each other (from the postings on our church web-forum).

It's time for us to hear a new song, a song from the designer of love and marriage.
* The Bible talks about love and marriage more than you think. At the beginning it pictures the union of the first woman [Eve] and the first man [Adam].
- [Listen to it; and you know that] It was a union accompanied by shouts of delight: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (Gen. 2:23).
- [Listen to it; and you know that] It was a union [bounded with solemn mystery]: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24).
- [Listen to it; and you know that] It was a union marked by attractive innocence: "And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed" (Gen. 2:25).

* The Bible talks about love and marriage more than you think. At the end it depicts the consummation of all that God intended, as he guided the course of history with a redeeming hand, in terms of a marriage celebration: "Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready. And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, "Write: ‘Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'" (Rev.19:7-9)[ii]

* The Bible talks about love and marriage more than you think, and at the middle of it, you found the Song of Solomon - a short book with just eight chapters about love and marriage, describing the way that God intended it for His people.

I am excited to study this book with you for the next four weeks. This is what we need to learn from God.

{Let's pray}

{Background - Author}

Please turn to Song of Solomon, chapter 1. We will start with verse 1.

1 Solomon's Song of Songs.

This is actually the title of the book. It had the author as Solomon. Solomon was the third king of Israel, son of David and Bathsheba. He was famous for his wisdom, wealth, and women.

* Wisdom: The Bible recorded that he was the most wised person: "29 God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore. 30 Solomon's wisdom was greater than the wisdom of all the men of the East, and greater than all the wisdom of Egypt. 31 He was wiser than any other man, including Ethan the Ezrahite-wiser than Heman, Calcol and Darda, the sons of Mahol. And his fame spread to all the surrounding nations. 32 He spoke three thousand proverbs and his songs numbered a thousand and five. 33 He described plant life, from the cedar of Lebanon to the hyssop that grows out of walls. He also taught about animals and birds, reptiles and fish. 34 Men of all nations came to listen to Solomon's wisdom, sent by all the kings of the world, who had heard of his wisdom." (1 King 4:29-34). Many people believed that Solomon wrote this book when he was young, wrote the book Proverbs when he was middle-aged, and wrote Ecclesiastics near the end of his life. His wisdom evidently can be seen through out three books.

* Wealth: The Bible also recorded that Solomon's success in wealth and prosperity, not only for himself but also for the whole nation: "26He ruled over all the kings from the River to the land of the Philistines, as far as the border of Egypt. 27The king made silver as common in Jerusalem as stones, and cedar as plentiful as sycamore-fig trees in the foothills. 28Solomon's horses were imported from Egypt and from all other countries" (2 Chronicles 9:26-28). This is the golden-age of the Jewish nation.

* Women: Solomon is also infamous for his harem of women as the Bible recorded: "1King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh's daughter-Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. 2They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, "You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods." Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. 3He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. 4As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been." (1 Kings 11:1-4). No doubt this started out as a wised political decision to form alliance with other nations in the region. Notice the list of foreign nations in relation with the "wives of royal birth" - Solomon diplomatically became son-in-law to many other nations around Israelites to maintain peace in the region with them. But the practice was clearly rebuked by scripture. Wisdom without Godly obedience will only lead to the demise of human craftiness. This is what Solomon said to himself near the end of his life: "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." 17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. 18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." (Ecc.1:16-18)

This last failure in Solomon's life raise an issue for us: "Can we really learn anything about Sacred Romance from a guy who didn't do too well in his own marriage?" Of course we can; we have to. Because we are all faulty humans; and if God chose to communicate through us, he would have to draw straight lines with crooked instrument! Similarly, I need to remind to you all that I am the worse lover for any of you to learn this stuff with. Only a few weeks ago, as I was sharing about my own struggle to be a husband, Tiffany exclaimed, "Bumble, I didn't know you are so bad!" Yes, we are all faulty humans, but God's grace will get things straight, even through crooked lines. And so with God's inspiration, Solomon wrote the "Song of Songs" for God to instruct His people.


{Background - The book}

The Jewish expression "Song of Songs" means "the best song" just like "Holy of Holies" means "the most holy". So, this book was considered one of the most beautiful songs which Solomon had written. God had inspired him to pen this book for the benefits of His people. That's why this book was included in the Bible for us to study today.

How many of you ever read through this book before? I remembered when I was just giggling through it when I was younger: "Look, all those body parts are in the Bible!" and didn't seriously examine it. If you have ever read through the book, you will realize that the book is a little tricky to follow, especially for people who are not familiar with the ancient Jewish culture 3000 years ago. It's similar to the difficulty for me to be moved by English poetry; even I have been living here more years living in Vietnam. In ancient Jewish (aka Hebrew) poetry, the poets don't try to make things rhyme but instead they piled similar ideas and imageries after one another.

In this form of ancient Hebrew song, you don't just have one singer like our usual modern song (and the author didn't note who was supposed to sing these lines). But since the "you" in the Hebrew language has male/female, singular/plural distinctions, we can make proper guesses of who were saying what (this is why in your Bible you have the italicized "Beloved" for the female singer and "Lover" for the male singer and "Friends" for theirs associates).

Examining the interaction between the casts, we would be able to understand some basis storyline background for the song. There were a few theories for the plotlines but from what I understand, the story was told from Solomon's bride point of view: We were told about their courtship in chapter 1 and 2; we will see their wedding in chapter 3 and even witness their love consummated in chapter 4; we will see them fight with one another in chapter 5; we will see them overcome those problems in chapter 6. Finally their love got deeper and they got to reflect back on the whole thing in the last two chapters[iii].

{GOD CREATED SEX AND LOVE FOR US, AND WE NEED TO BE WISE TO LOVE WELL.}

The book started out with this scene:

2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is more delightful than wine. 3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! 4 Take me away with you - let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Wow! Talking about it's getting hot right out of the bat with the description of the bride-to-be longing for a French kiss (or more technical accurately: a Hebrew kiss. This is because France didn't establish itself as a country until the 9th century AD)[iv]. The word "love" there in verse 2 is the Hebrew "Dodim", denotes physical/sexual love; much like "Eros" in the Greek.[v] Reading this and you can sense the trembling excitement of the bride at the last moment before walking down the aisle. After all that building up of love, and all that intoxicating passion of their courtship, now she couldn't wait to be with her royal husband in the bedroom.

Strong language huh? Some people even blushed as they read this book. "What kind of book is it anyway?" Many asked. On the one extreme some pastors and teachers taught this book as allegory, a story of God's love for us and the church's love for God. On the other extremes other scholars deemed that the book was all about romanticism without any spiritual value and therefore deserve to be tossed aside. But read it for yourselves and you will see the truth somewhere in between.

Here we can see that God really understand love and passion. And why not? God made us this way, with these bodies filled with nerve endings and soft spots and tender places. He created us as loving, sexual, passionate, tender, fragile beings. And sexual love as God intended for it to be, is to bring us a lifetime of pleasure and fidelity, enjoyment and holiness. WE NEED TO LEARN THAT ALL THIS LOVE STUFF IS SERIOUS PLAY: WHAT TOUCHES OUR BODIES TOUCHES OUR SOULS, AND WE NEED TO BE WISE TO LOVE WELL.[vi]


{LOVE, IN REGARD TO COMMUNITY}

Apparently the bride was talking to the groom directly (see the use of "you" in v.2b-4a) in the presence of her closed friends. (I pictured them as the bridesmaids). They listened and responded:

We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine.

Note that the "you" there was the groom, according to the footnote. I found this affirmation of the bride's friends on the groom interesting. Often when we are in love, we throw all advices from our family and friends out of the window. May be that's why they said that "love is blind". We claimed that our love life is our own business. We remind our parents that we are the one who will live with our husband and wife, and not them. Some of us even cite the command of "leaving before cleaving" (Gen.2:24) to backup for our independence. However, there should be a balance. Of course we should be independent when we decide on the matter of our love life, but it wouldn't hurt to have a complete 360 view of our love interest. Notice at the end of verse 3 how the bride's friends viewed the groom: "your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you!" The "name" here stands for the entire person, his reputation of a good character. It is a good testimony when other people recognize the good qualities of your partner.[vii] The bride concurred with her friends' assessment:

How right they are to adore you!


{SELF-CONSCIENTIOUS ISSUES OF WOMEN AND MEN}

Then the focus shifted. The bride started telling about the beginning of their love story:

5 Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. 6 Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother's sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.

Notice her insecurity in the beginning. Women are self-conscientious about their look (she feel bad because of her dark skin) - and their background (she feel bad because she came from a manual labor working class). Even men too might feel insecure in this regard.

It's bad enough to have to compete with the Hollywood's depiction of what do you need to do to be attractive. It's bad enough to strive for a "successful status" according to the world's standard. But notice that the bride's attitude is not all self-pity either: "Dark am I" but she didn't stop there. "yet lovely" she added. Before entering into any relationship, we need to know who we are, both strengths and weaknesses.

The world already beat up on us enough with false expectation, and so it would help if we can be kind and affirming toward the opposite sex too. I remembered one story from "Letters to Philip" by Charlie W. Shedd about a young woman, full of confidence, even though one of her leg is shorter than the other. When asked, she attributed that her confidence came from the man she loved. "You see", she said, "he was never once making fun of my physical short-coming!"[viii]


{COMMON SENSE ADVICES TO FIND YOUR SOUL-MATES}

If you naturally be that sort of person filled with kindness and affirmation when you interact with people, there will be a natural attraction toward you. Even as she was dealing with her own insecurity ("Do not stare at me because I am dark"), the bride found herself attracted to Solomon:

7 Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?

Some scholars believed that at first the girl didn't even know that Solomon was the king and mistaken him as shepherd. Some other interpreters pointed to the cultural reference in Ezekiel 34 where Israel rulers and leaders are always referred to as shepherds anyway. Whatever the case, here the question is "How do I get closer to the one I am attracted to, without being flirty?" (veiled woman: Wearing a veil was an act of modesty that usually indicated that a woman was unmarried.[ix] And so prostitutes also wearing veils to indicate that they are "single and available" Translated to the modern setting, I think "being flirty" would be the modern equivalence.)

Is it the same kind of burning question we single adults are asking too for our days? "How am I supposed to get hooked-up with that special someone?" Amazingly, the Bible has a suggestion. The answer can be found in the next verse:

8 If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.

There are two principles from this verse: 1) "Follow the sheep and you will find the shepherd!" and 2) "If you know how to tend the goats, you might be a good candidate for a shepherd"

First, you need to BE AT THE RIGHT PLACE to find the right person. Consider this, if you want a spouse who would value who you are and not just your outer shelves, who would stick with you through thick and thin, and who would be used by God to help you to achieve your full potential. What is the chance of looking for that person in the bars and taverns? (There's no shame for you guys to attend various conference and youth rally to meet your potential mates!)

Secondly, you need to BE THE RIGHT PERSON to find the right person. Then what if you find a person with all the wonderful qualities you were looking for, what would you offer for him or for her in return: That you value them only for their looks; that you would neglect them for other selfish goals; and that you would haphazardly be used by God to meet their needs? There's a reason why God would offer Adam a "suitable helpmate" and not just any "helpmate", you know? (If you want to catch quality fish, be a quality fisherman!)


{THE LANGUAGE OF AFFIRMATIONS}

Now, Solomon spoke for the first time in the song:

9 I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh. 10 Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.

To us, it's a strange compliment comparing a girl with a mare/female horse. Technically the Isarel didn't have horses. Solomon imported them (I Kgs 10:28-29). So this is as exotic as it gets for a compliment. Besides, "A passage from Egyptian literature demonstrates that mares were sometimes set loose in battle to allure and distract the pharaoh's chariot-harnessed stallions." (Parsons, p. 416) Solomon meant his love was a woman whom all the best men of his court would have pursued.[x]

11 We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver.

Remember how the bride's friends were approving of their relationship? Here we see the groom's friends doing the same thing toward her also. In the first phase of the relationship, their circle of friends was very important to validate their initial passion. "Love is blind" and therefore you need your friends to watch out for you, otherwise you will fall down the ditch.

What you see above in verses 9-11 is that Solomon was affirming by both words and deeds toward his beloved.


{EVERYONE PUTTING THEIR BEST FOOT FORWARD}

And so Solomon and the peasant girl went out together. Both were at their best:

12 While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. 13 My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. 14 My lover is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi.

In those days, women wear their small bag of myrrh as perfume from their neck. Henna is a type of flower with sweet flagrance. These three verses just smelled good! This is just normal behavior of people who are in love: You often putting their best foot forward in courtship. We need to understand that natural tendency in human behaviors. It's not that we fake it and try to be someone who we're not. But everyone has an ideal of who we should be and strive to present ourselves according to that ideal. Love motivates us to be our best. Understand that and we instead of feeling let down because we couldn't be as ideal in the short run, we know that love will continue to help us grow in the long run.


{STARTING OUT HEAD OVER HEEL}

And everything looks better with love. He said:

15 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.

It might be strange for Americans to see eyes are doves, but Vietnamese has the exact saying "Mat em nhu mat bo câu" And she responded:

16 How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming!

Sometimes, old folks like our parents or even your friends spoiled it asking, "What is it do you see in him? What is it do you see in her? Beautiful? Handsome? Not even!" Or may be you are the one who are saying that to your friends. May be you just wanting to be realistic and save them the disappointment in the long run. But listen up: beauty is in the eyes of the beholders. When you are in love, everything you see has a different aura about it. Take the next few sentences for example:

And our bed is verdant. 17 The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs.

What do you think it's about? Apparently they were having a picnic out in the field. I look up "verdant" in the dictionary and it is "luxuriant green"; very fitting with "cedars" and "firs". The whole nature around them is just a big nest for the love birds.


{EVALUATING THE RELATIONSHIP}

But sometimes getting lost in love is not a good thing to prepare for the real union for life together. At one point or another, intoxicated passion will cool down, and you as well as people around would be able to evaluate how well the relationship was progressing.

What are the results for their courtship so far? Remember how the girl started out with insecurity with her look and background? Now notice how she is a bit more comfortable with herself:

1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.

She's a bit more comfortable with herself. However, there are still some traces of that insecurity. The word "rose" there is just a normal flower in the field, not the same as the long-stem roses we are used to here (Israel don't have rose as native plant). The rose of Sharon is a kind of crocus growing as a ‘lily among brambles'. ‘Sharon is [actually] like a desert' (according to Isa. 33:9). Thus the biblical picture of Sharon is a forbidding jungle of oaks and swampy marshes rather than a fertile or productive plain.[xi]

And the man continued to build her up, saying that she's the only one in his eyes:

2 Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens.

The question that you need to evaluate when you are dating is this: "Is the relationship building you up?" I have friends who follow this guideline and ask herself if the man she date didn't help her to be closer to God in their courtship, then the relationship is not heading in the right direction.


{CAN YOU REALLY ANSWER WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU SEE IN HIM?}

In the next few verses, we see the role of a man in relationship:

3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. 5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

She saw him as her provider (v. 3), her protector (v. 4), her sustainer (v. 5) and her security (v.6)[xii]. What a shadow that love had casted on her! In her younger days she had sweated in the open sun (1:6), but now she enjoys protection and security with him.[xiii]

As wonderful as passionate love could be in all God's designed intention, the author seriously solemnly commanded this to the readers through what the bride say next:


{DON'T RUSH: IT'S NOT A FLING}

7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does [female deers] of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Serious language here: "I charge you". Why would we need to be careful with love and its passion? It's because of the potent power of love. LOVE IS NOT A PASSING FLING BUT RATHER A DEMANDING AND EXHAUSTING RELATIONSHIP.[xiv]

One of my teachers, Tod Bolsinger, eloquently put it this way:

You see my friends, passionate love is meant to lead to permanent love. The Bible says that sexual passion is what God uses to make two individuals one flesh. It bonds us together. It is meant to be the glue that helps us to keep our marriage vows to each other for better or worse, for richer or poorer, for sickness and in health.

It's like this. Have you ever turned a page of a book and unintentionally turned two? Two pieces of paper can be put so closely together that they seem like two. But what happens if you add glue to those two pieces of paper. What if you bond them together? They can be like one.

In the same way that our souls are made to unite with God, our bodies are able to unite to another person for life. But what happens if that bond is made recklessly. What happens if two people like two pieces of paper are thoughtlessly bonded together and then have to be separated?

They shred. And that is what so many of our lives are like.

[A pastor friend of mine] was working with high school students. He came to speak at a camp on sexual ethics. The night before his talk, he asked a 17-years-old camper named Mike if he had any advice to reach the kids. Mike looked at him and said, "Tell them that sex just leads to pain, pastor. I don't care if I ever have sex again." 17 years old and the pain of misplaced passion had left him shredded.



{Conclusion: Listen to God's Song}

We live in a world where the destructive songs have been influencing our lives and deafening our body and soul and yet we still resist God's teaching. Please hear me: God doesn't say that the pleasure is bad or that passion is bad or that we should shun our desires. Just the opposite!

Instead through the songs of these young lovers [in Song of Solomon], God tells us that passion is so powerful that it needs to be affirm in safe and appropriate relationships.

So what do we do now?

* What do we - who have awoken love inappropriately - do with the desires and longings we know feel?

* How do we - who desire to live within the appropriate limits of passion - find the encouragement we need to live and love well?

* How do we - who are married - continue to stoke the passionate fires of desire to keep our love deep and bonded together? What do we do?

We allow the God who personally knows all about human passion and love and suffering and commitment entry into our life and love. WE BRING THE PASSION OF OUR FLESH BEFORE JESUS, THE GOD WHO CAME IN THE FLESH.[xv]

This is the Word of God for you and for me today. As Steve will lead us in respond to Him in worship, I invite you to come before God. Talk to God about where you are and where you want to go. He knows you, He loves you, and He will strengthen you.