Sacred Romance 1: Passionate Love Awaken

{Intro: World's Song and God's Song}

My favorite old movie is Casablanca. A classic film with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, where Bogie owns Rick's Café American bar in Casablanca, Morroco. It takes place during World War 2 in Casablanca, which was then a French territory that was under German occupation. One of my favorite scenes when a group of Nazi soldiers gathered at Rick's start singing German songs loudly and without consideration.
It is a rude gesture. Here they are in occupied territory, a conquering army and they are spitting in the face of the French citizens. The down cast French people sit glumly. Then Victor Lazlo, a brave resistance fighter, stands, walks over to the band and says, "Play La Marseilles" the French National anthem. The band members are tentative, they fear the German officers.
But Bogie nods his approval and Lazlo begins to sing at the top of his lungs. The band comes to their feet, playing their instruments with gusto. The music soars, and the crowd come to life. They do not protest the Nazis. They do not shout them down in anger. They just simply so loudly this song of their hearts, that they drown out the German soldiers who then close the bar in disgust. With that one strong positive voice, they drowned out the destructive voices...[i]

In a way, what Victor Lazlo did in the midst of the destructive voice in that nightclub in Casablanca is what I believe we are doing through this series "Sacred Romance" for our church.

The world had already singing its song, proclaiming a view of sexuality and passion that is also so destructive.
- We listened to it; and you see many of your secular friends cast all moral precaution aside, calling it old-fashioned, to pursue casual sex.
- We listened to it; and at least two men (in the Marriage Builders small group) shared with me that 90% of their friends are divorced.
- We listened to it; and quite a few young unmarried among you feared that your future marriages would either end in divorce, or in estranged with each other (from the postings on our church web-forum).

It's time for us to hear a new song, a song from the designer of love and marriage.
* The Bible talks about love and marriage more than you think. At the beginning it pictures the union of the first woman [Eve] and the first man [Adam].
- [Listen to it; and you know that] It was a union accompanied by shouts of delight: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (Gen. 2:23).
- [Listen to it; and you know that] It was a union [bounded with solemn mystery]: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24).
- [Listen to it; and you know that] It was a union marked by attractive innocence: "And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed" (Gen. 2:25).

* The Bible talks about love and marriage more than you think. At the end it depicts the consummation of all that God intended, as he guided the course of history with a redeeming hand, in terms of a marriage celebration: "Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready. And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, "Write: ‘Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'" (Rev.19:7-9)[ii]

* The Bible talks about love and marriage more than you think, and at the middle of it, you found the Song of Solomon - a short book with just eight chapters about love and marriage, describing the way that God intended it for His people.

I am excited to study this book with you for the next four weeks. This is what we need to learn from God.

{Let's pray}

{Background - Author}

Please turn to Song of Solomon, chapter 1. We will start with verse 1.

1 Solomon's Song of Songs.

This is actually the title of the book. It had the author as Solomon. Solomon was the third king of Israel, son of David and Bathsheba. He was famous for his wisdom, wealth, and women.

* Wisdom: The Bible recorded that he was the most wised person: "29 God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore. 30 Solomon's wisdom was greater than the wisdom of all the men of the East, and greater than all the wisdom of Egypt. 31 He was wiser than any other man, including Ethan the Ezrahite-wiser than Heman, Calcol and Darda, the sons of Mahol. And his fame spread to all the surrounding nations. 32 He spoke three thousand proverbs and his songs numbered a thousand and five. 33 He described plant life, from the cedar of Lebanon to the hyssop that grows out of walls. He also taught about animals and birds, reptiles and fish. 34 Men of all nations came to listen to Solomon's wisdom, sent by all the kings of the world, who had heard of his wisdom." (1 King 4:29-34). Many people believed that Solomon wrote this book when he was young, wrote the book Proverbs when he was middle-aged, and wrote Ecclesiastics near the end of his life. His wisdom evidently can be seen through out three books.

* Wealth: The Bible also recorded that Solomon's success in wealth and prosperity, not only for himself but also for the whole nation: "26He ruled over all the kings from the River to the land of the Philistines, as far as the border of Egypt. 27The king made silver as common in Jerusalem as stones, and cedar as plentiful as sycamore-fig trees in the foothills. 28Solomon's horses were imported from Egypt and from all other countries" (2 Chronicles 9:26-28). This is the golden-age of the Jewish nation.

* Women: Solomon is also infamous for his harem of women as the Bible recorded: "1King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh's daughter-Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. 2They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, "You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods." Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. 3He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. 4As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been." (1 Kings 11:1-4). No doubt this started out as a wised political decision to form alliance with other nations in the region. Notice the list of foreign nations in relation with the "wives of royal birth" - Solomon diplomatically became son-in-law to many other nations around Israelites to maintain peace in the region with them. But the practice was clearly rebuked by scripture. Wisdom without Godly obedience will only lead to the demise of human craftiness. This is what Solomon said to himself near the end of his life: "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." 17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. 18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." (Ecc.1:16-18)

This last failure in Solomon's life raise an issue for us: "Can we really learn anything about Sacred Romance from a guy who didn't do too well in his own marriage?" Of course we can; we have to. Because we are all faulty humans; and if God chose to communicate through us, he would have to draw straight lines with crooked instrument! Similarly, I need to remind to you all that I am the worse lover for any of you to learn this stuff with. Only a few weeks ago, as I was sharing about my own struggle to be a husband, Tiffany exclaimed, "Bumble, I didn't know you are so bad!" Yes, we are all faulty humans, but God's grace will get things straight, even through crooked lines. And so with God's inspiration, Solomon wrote the "Song of Songs" for God to instruct His people.


{Background - The book}

The Jewish expression "Song of Songs" means "the best song" just like "Holy of Holies" means "the most holy". So, this book was considered one of the most beautiful songs which Solomon had written. God had inspired him to pen this book for the benefits of His people. That's why this book was included in the Bible for us to study today.

How many of you ever read through this book before? I remembered when I was just giggling through it when I was younger: "Look, all those body parts are in the Bible!" and didn't seriously examine it. If you have ever read through the book, you will realize that the book is a little tricky to follow, especially for people who are not familiar with the ancient Jewish culture 3000 years ago. It's similar to the difficulty for me to be moved by English poetry; even I have been living here more years living in Vietnam. In ancient Jewish (aka Hebrew) poetry, the poets don't try to make things rhyme but instead they piled similar ideas and imageries after one another.

In this form of ancient Hebrew song, you don't just have one singer like our usual modern song (and the author didn't note who was supposed to sing these lines). But since the "you" in the Hebrew language has male/female, singular/plural distinctions, we can make proper guesses of who were saying what (this is why in your Bible you have the italicized "Beloved" for the female singer and "Lover" for the male singer and "Friends" for theirs associates).

Examining the interaction between the casts, we would be able to understand some basis storyline background for the song. There were a few theories for the plotlines but from what I understand, the story was told from Solomon's bride point of view: We were told about their courtship in chapter 1 and 2; we will see their wedding in chapter 3 and even witness their love consummated in chapter 4; we will see them fight with one another in chapter 5; we will see them overcome those problems in chapter 6. Finally their love got deeper and they got to reflect back on the whole thing in the last two chapters[iii].

{GOD CREATED SEX AND LOVE FOR US, AND WE NEED TO BE WISE TO LOVE WELL.}

The book started out with this scene:

2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is more delightful than wine. 3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! 4 Take me away with you - let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Wow! Talking about it's getting hot right out of the bat with the description of the bride-to-be longing for a French kiss (or more technical accurately: a Hebrew kiss. This is because France didn't establish itself as a country until the 9th century AD)[iv]. The word "love" there in verse 2 is the Hebrew "Dodim", denotes physical/sexual love; much like "Eros" in the Greek.[v] Reading this and you can sense the trembling excitement of the bride at the last moment before walking down the aisle. After all that building up of love, and all that intoxicating passion of their courtship, now she couldn't wait to be with her royal husband in the bedroom.

Strong language huh? Some people even blushed as they read this book. "What kind of book is it anyway?" Many asked. On the one extreme some pastors and teachers taught this book as allegory, a story of God's love for us and the church's love for God. On the other extremes other scholars deemed that the book was all about romanticism without any spiritual value and therefore deserve to be tossed aside. But read it for yourselves and you will see the truth somewhere in between.

Here we can see that God really understand love and passion. And why not? God made us this way, with these bodies filled with nerve endings and soft spots and tender places. He created us as loving, sexual, passionate, tender, fragile beings. And sexual love as God intended for it to be, is to bring us a lifetime of pleasure and fidelity, enjoyment and holiness. WE NEED TO LEARN THAT ALL THIS LOVE STUFF IS SERIOUS PLAY: WHAT TOUCHES OUR BODIES TOUCHES OUR SOULS, AND WE NEED TO BE WISE TO LOVE WELL.[vi]


{LOVE, IN REGARD TO COMMUNITY}

Apparently the bride was talking to the groom directly (see the use of "you" in v.2b-4a) in the presence of her closed friends. (I pictured them as the bridesmaids). They listened and responded:

We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine.

Note that the "you" there was the groom, according to the footnote. I found this affirmation of the bride's friends on the groom interesting. Often when we are in love, we throw all advices from our family and friends out of the window. May be that's why they said that "love is blind". We claimed that our love life is our own business. We remind our parents that we are the one who will live with our husband and wife, and not them. Some of us even cite the command of "leaving before cleaving" (Gen.2:24) to backup for our independence. However, there should be a balance. Of course we should be independent when we decide on the matter of our love life, but it wouldn't hurt to have a complete 360 view of our love interest. Notice at the end of verse 3 how the bride's friends viewed the groom: "your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you!" The "name" here stands for the entire person, his reputation of a good character. It is a good testimony when other people recognize the good qualities of your partner.[vii] The bride concurred with her friends' assessment:

How right they are to adore you!


{SELF-CONSCIENTIOUS ISSUES OF WOMEN AND MEN}

Then the focus shifted. The bride started telling about the beginning of their love story:

5 Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. 6 Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother's sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.

Notice her insecurity in the beginning. Women are self-conscientious about their look (she feel bad because of her dark skin) - and their background (she feel bad because she came from a manual labor working class). Even men too might feel insecure in this regard.

It's bad enough to have to compete with the Hollywood's depiction of what do you need to do to be attractive. It's bad enough to strive for a "successful status" according to the world's standard. But notice that the bride's attitude is not all self-pity either: "Dark am I" but she didn't stop there. "yet lovely" she added. Before entering into any relationship, we need to know who we are, both strengths and weaknesses.

The world already beat up on us enough with false expectation, and so it would help if we can be kind and affirming toward the opposite sex too. I remembered one story from "Letters to Philip" by Charlie W. Shedd about a young woman, full of confidence, even though one of her leg is shorter than the other. When asked, she attributed that her confidence came from the man she loved. "You see", she said, "he was never once making fun of my physical short-coming!"[viii]


{COMMON SENSE ADVICES TO FIND YOUR SOUL-MATES}

If you naturally be that sort of person filled with kindness and affirmation when you interact with people, there will be a natural attraction toward you. Even as she was dealing with her own insecurity ("Do not stare at me because I am dark"), the bride found herself attracted to Solomon:

7 Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?

Some scholars believed that at first the girl didn't even know that Solomon was the king and mistaken him as shepherd. Some other interpreters pointed to the cultural reference in Ezekiel 34 where Israel rulers and leaders are always referred to as shepherds anyway. Whatever the case, here the question is "How do I get closer to the one I am attracted to, without being flirty?" (veiled woman: Wearing a veil was an act of modesty that usually indicated that a woman was unmarried.[ix] And so prostitutes also wearing veils to indicate that they are "single and available" Translated to the modern setting, I think "being flirty" would be the modern equivalence.)

Is it the same kind of burning question we single adults are asking too for our days? "How am I supposed to get hooked-up with that special someone?" Amazingly, the Bible has a suggestion. The answer can be found in the next verse:

8 If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.

There are two principles from this verse: 1) "Follow the sheep and you will find the shepherd!" and 2) "If you know how to tend the goats, you might be a good candidate for a shepherd"

First, you need to BE AT THE RIGHT PLACE to find the right person. Consider this, if you want a spouse who would value who you are and not just your outer shelves, who would stick with you through thick and thin, and who would be used by God to help you to achieve your full potential. What is the chance of looking for that person in the bars and taverns? (There's no shame for you guys to attend various conference and youth rally to meet your potential mates!)

Secondly, you need to BE THE RIGHT PERSON to find the right person. Then what if you find a person with all the wonderful qualities you were looking for, what would you offer for him or for her in return: That you value them only for their looks; that you would neglect them for other selfish goals; and that you would haphazardly be used by God to meet their needs? There's a reason why God would offer Adam a "suitable helpmate" and not just any "helpmate", you know? (If you want to catch quality fish, be a quality fisherman!)


{THE LANGUAGE OF AFFIRMATIONS}

Now, Solomon spoke for the first time in the song:

9 I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh. 10 Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.

To us, it's a strange compliment comparing a girl with a mare/female horse. Technically the Isarel didn't have horses. Solomon imported them (I Kgs 10:28-29). So this is as exotic as it gets for a compliment. Besides, "A passage from Egyptian literature demonstrates that mares were sometimes set loose in battle to allure and distract the pharaoh's chariot-harnessed stallions." (Parsons, p. 416) Solomon meant his love was a woman whom all the best men of his court would have pursued.[x]

11 We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver.

Remember how the bride's friends were approving of their relationship? Here we see the groom's friends doing the same thing toward her also. In the first phase of the relationship, their circle of friends was very important to validate their initial passion. "Love is blind" and therefore you need your friends to watch out for you, otherwise you will fall down the ditch.

What you see above in verses 9-11 is that Solomon was affirming by both words and deeds toward his beloved.


{EVERYONE PUTTING THEIR BEST FOOT FORWARD}

And so Solomon and the peasant girl went out together. Both were at their best:

12 While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. 13 My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. 14 My lover is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi.

In those days, women wear their small bag of myrrh as perfume from their neck. Henna is a type of flower with sweet flagrance. These three verses just smelled good! This is just normal behavior of people who are in love: You often putting their best foot forward in courtship. We need to understand that natural tendency in human behaviors. It's not that we fake it and try to be someone who we're not. But everyone has an ideal of who we should be and strive to present ourselves according to that ideal. Love motivates us to be our best. Understand that and we instead of feeling let down because we couldn't be as ideal in the short run, we know that love will continue to help us grow in the long run.


{STARTING OUT HEAD OVER HEEL}

And everything looks better with love. He said:

15 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.

It might be strange for Americans to see eyes are doves, but Vietnamese has the exact saying "Mat em nhu mat bo câu" And she responded:

16 How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming!

Sometimes, old folks like our parents or even your friends spoiled it asking, "What is it do you see in him? What is it do you see in her? Beautiful? Handsome? Not even!" Or may be you are the one who are saying that to your friends. May be you just wanting to be realistic and save them the disappointment in the long run. But listen up: beauty is in the eyes of the beholders. When you are in love, everything you see has a different aura about it. Take the next few sentences for example:

And our bed is verdant. 17 The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs.

What do you think it's about? Apparently they were having a picnic out in the field. I look up "verdant" in the dictionary and it is "luxuriant green"; very fitting with "cedars" and "firs". The whole nature around them is just a big nest for the love birds.


{EVALUATING THE RELATIONSHIP}

But sometimes getting lost in love is not a good thing to prepare for the real union for life together. At one point or another, intoxicated passion will cool down, and you as well as people around would be able to evaluate how well the relationship was progressing.

What are the results for their courtship so far? Remember how the girl started out with insecurity with her look and background? Now notice how she is a bit more comfortable with herself:

1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.

She's a bit more comfortable with herself. However, there are still some traces of that insecurity. The word "rose" there is just a normal flower in the field, not the same as the long-stem roses we are used to here (Israel don't have rose as native plant). The rose of Sharon is a kind of crocus growing as a ‘lily among brambles'. ‘Sharon is [actually] like a desert' (according to Isa. 33:9). Thus the biblical picture of Sharon is a forbidding jungle of oaks and swampy marshes rather than a fertile or productive plain.[xi]

And the man continued to build her up, saying that she's the only one in his eyes:

2 Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens.

The question that you need to evaluate when you are dating is this: "Is the relationship building you up?" I have friends who follow this guideline and ask herself if the man she date didn't help her to be closer to God in their courtship, then the relationship is not heading in the right direction.


{CAN YOU REALLY ANSWER WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU SEE IN HIM?}

In the next few verses, we see the role of a man in relationship:

3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. 5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

She saw him as her provider (v. 3), her protector (v. 4), her sustainer (v. 5) and her security (v.6)[xii]. What a shadow that love had casted on her! In her younger days she had sweated in the open sun (1:6), but now she enjoys protection and security with him.[xiii]

As wonderful as passionate love could be in all God's designed intention, the author seriously solemnly commanded this to the readers through what the bride say next:


{DON'T RUSH: IT'S NOT A FLING}

7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does [female deers] of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Serious language here: "I charge you". Why would we need to be careful with love and its passion? It's because of the potent power of love. LOVE IS NOT A PASSING FLING BUT RATHER A DEMANDING AND EXHAUSTING RELATIONSHIP.[xiv]

One of my teachers, Tod Bolsinger, eloquently put it this way:

You see my friends, passionate love is meant to lead to permanent love. The Bible says that sexual passion is what God uses to make two individuals one flesh. It bonds us together. It is meant to be the glue that helps us to keep our marriage vows to each other for better or worse, for richer or poorer, for sickness and in health.

It's like this. Have you ever turned a page of a book and unintentionally turned two? Two pieces of paper can be put so closely together that they seem like two. But what happens if you add glue to those two pieces of paper. What if you bond them together? They can be like one.

In the same way that our souls are made to unite with God, our bodies are able to unite to another person for life. But what happens if that bond is made recklessly. What happens if two people like two pieces of paper are thoughtlessly bonded together and then have to be separated?

They shred. And that is what so many of our lives are like.

[A pastor friend of mine] was working with high school students. He came to speak at a camp on sexual ethics. The night before his talk, he asked a 17-years-old camper named Mike if he had any advice to reach the kids. Mike looked at him and said, "Tell them that sex just leads to pain, pastor. I don't care if I ever have sex again." 17 years old and the pain of misplaced passion had left him shredded.



{Conclusion: Listen to God's Song}

We live in a world where the destructive songs have been influencing our lives and deafening our body and soul and yet we still resist God's teaching. Please hear me: God doesn't say that the pleasure is bad or that passion is bad or that we should shun our desires. Just the opposite!

Instead through the songs of these young lovers [in Song of Solomon], God tells us that passion is so powerful that it needs to be affirm in safe and appropriate relationships.

So what do we do now?

* What do we - who have awoken love inappropriately - do with the desires and longings we know feel?

* How do we - who desire to live within the appropriate limits of passion - find the encouragement we need to live and love well?

* How do we - who are married - continue to stoke the passionate fires of desire to keep our love deep and bonded together? What do we do?

We allow the God who personally knows all about human passion and love and suffering and commitment entry into our life and love. WE BRING THE PASSION OF OUR FLESH BEFORE JESUS, THE GOD WHO CAME IN THE FLESH.[xv]

This is the Word of God for you and for me today. As Steve will lead us in respond to Him in worship, I invite you to come before God. Talk to God about where you are and where you want to go. He knows you, He loves you, and He will strengthen you.